


The Incident

by LittleMissGG



Series: The Prankster Chronicles [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders, The Prank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 13:40:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissGG/pseuds/LittleMissGG
Summary: Sirius made a mistake... a big mistake.(Originally posted June 2005)





	1. Chapter 1

“Sirius? Sirius are you listening to me?”

“Yes. Sir.”

“Mr Black I'm afraid I cannot let this pass. Do you understand the gravity of the situation? Do you realise that Severus could have been killed, murdered at the hands of the boy you claim to be your best friend.”

“Yes Sir. I... he told her, Lysandra. He told her that Remus is a werewolf. She chased him, that day, she could have picked any of us and she went straight for Moo- Remus. I... Serverus could have got Remus killed and I just wanted to... scare him. Scare him the way we were scared. I just... didn't think. I'm sorry.”

“I'm not so sure sorry's will be enough to remedy this situation Sirius. Now you will sit there until I have finished talking to Mr Snape, you will apologise to him and then I will deal with you.”

“But Remus... he needs me to -”

“I'm afraid Madame Pomfrey will have to take care of Remus by herself.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Now take a tissue, dry your eyes. I'm going to fetch Severus.”

“Yes Sir.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Sirius remembered the exact moment he fell in love with Remus. He remembered mainly because Remus wasn't there. Sure, it had been growing, this... feeling. Sirius was fifteen and embracing his burgeoning sexuality by flirting with everything with a pulse, strutting around as if he was 'the sex' and throwing away careless smiles at any and everyone who turned his head.

They were all pretty, made his dick jump to attention, made his mouth water, made his brain run off to bad bad places when he was supposed to be finishing homework and essays and lessons. There was one someone who effected him in whole new ways. Made his breathing heavy, his heart race, made him smile and laugh, made him feel like the king of the whole world. His brain would run off and he'd have trouble finishing... sentences.

And standing in the middle of the Great Hall, James and Peter pulling faces from the table as he danced with Yasmin Brody from Ravenclaw, Sirius suddenly got it. Suddenly realised that the slightly squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach when he looked at Remus was something he wanted. Something he wanted always. Why would he want to kiss Yasmin Brody's too pink lips and talk about lessons and personal history when he could run upstairs and talk about adventures and music and stars? Maybe even try and kiss Remus Lupin's lips that were full and pale and angel bowed and a little chapped in the winter and always wrapped around the end of a sugar quill. Sirius could imagine what those kisses would taste like.

“Sorry, I have to go.”

Sirius pulled away from Yasmin, smiling excitedly and pulling at his tie that was far too tight.

“Go where?!”

“I've got a date.”

He rushed over to the table, whispered frantically to James and Peter, shoved a few handfuls of sweets into his robe pockets, grabbed a jug of butterbeer and two glasses and ran out. 

* * * * * * * * * *

He bounded into the room and landed, in a heap, on the foot of Remus' bed. Remus finished reading the end of the sentence before slipping his finger between the pages of his book and looking up at a slightly flushed and smug looking Sirius Black.

“Alright Moony?” Sirius grinned, laying back and staring at the canopy of Moony's bed.

“Sirius, why aren't you at the ball?” Remus pulled his legs out from underneath Sirius's body and pulled his knees up to his chest. He had refused to attend the ball, not only had he not found someone to go with but the full moon was only two nights ago and he was still wrapped in bandages, anyway... Sirius had found someone to go with. Several someones. And they had all been following him around like he was some sort of demigod.

“Got bored.” Sirius muttered, scratching the back of his neck in a distinctly canine way before sitting up and shuffling round so that he was sitting cross legged opposite Remus. “And anyway, that Yasmin whashername. She's a right bore. Just kept rambling on about classes and homework and _exams_!” Sirius said this as though it were the greatest insult to his name. “And she kept trying to kiss me.” Sirius said it in a casual off hand manner, the same way he would announce he'd just got another detention and Remus tried very hard not to stare.

“And you didn't want to...?” Remus fiddled with the edge of the bedspread distractedly, desperately fighting the urge to look up.

“Well... I thought about it. But then I thought, why would I want to kiss her? I mean, yeah, alright, she's pretty. But she doesn't know me or anything and if I kissed her then that would be, y'know, my _first_ kiss and everything. And she'd probably want me to... I dunno, I'd have to hold her bloody hand and have another boring conversation about exams and my terribly interesting family. And I thought bugger it, I'd rather my first kiss be someone I have actual feelings for and stuff... y'know?” There was a pause in which Remus thought that was a pretty poor excuse for Sirius to ditch the whole party and Sirius cleaned under his fingernails with the tip of his wand. “So why didn't you wanna go to the ball Moony?” Sirius didn't look up, he seemed quite intent on his nail cleaning.

“Just... couldn't be bothered, 'm still sore. No one asked me.” He finished lamely. He could feel the blush creeping up his neck and just knew that Sirius would tease him mercilessly if he saw it.

“Oh please! You're supposed to ask the girls out. And there were plenty who would of said yes - that Ravenclaw third year with the black pigtails, and the Hufflepuff smarty pants from Herbology. Bloody hell Moony even Pete got a date!” Sirius laughed looking up from under a fall of jet black hair and ridiculously long eyelashes. Remus shrugged and shifted his weight, he hated it when Sirius looked at him like that, all dark and dangerous and a little bit gorgeous.

“Yeah, well...” Before Remus could finish that thought Sirius moved forward a little, shuffling up the bedspread until their knees were brushing.

“See I think I know why you didn't want to go and ask a girl to the ball. I think maybe you don't like girls, I think maybe you like boys.” Sirius kept his face very still, his eyes staring at a point on the bedspread between them.

The air seemed to have been dragged from the room and Remus felt a little light-headed. His mouth opened and closed a few times, he knew that the best way out was to laugh and joke and brush all this off but Sirius said it with such causal certainty. He could feel his eyes filling with nervous tears, terrified that what would follow would involve insults and fists. His throat clenched shut so tightly he had to fight to breathe, his fists clenched and unclenched where they lay on his knees.

“Thing is...” Sirius continued in his slightly disarming offhanded way, as though they were discussing the Quidditch cup or Potions homework not Remus' burgeoning sexuality. “Thing is Moony, I like girls and stuff... but I much prefer boys.”

Oh look, just when Remus thought he'd manage a breath there went all the oxygen again. He felt slightly like his head might explode, there was far too much blood pumping to his cheeks, he could feel them burning. He chanced a look up and found that Sirius was staring at him, the hair pushed out of his eyes so that he could see Remus clearly and he was holding his breath just a little. Remus didn't really know what to say, 'oh' seemed something of an anticlimax and 'oh god Sirius thank the gods because I've been in love with you since before I knew what that meant' seemed a little overboard. Instead he reached out and pressed his fingers to the back of Sirius's hand.

Sirius smiled at him, all goofy and excited as he jumped from the bed. He stood in the middle of the room, wand held out in one hand as he grinned at Remus.

“So! Why would I want to spend the night with all those girls who know nothing about me - the amazing Sirius Black - when my Moony was up here all on his own _reading_?” With a wave of his wand music filled the dorm, with a second flick a huge jug of butterbeer appeared on top of Sirius's trunk at the end of his bed. He flung his wand down on his bed and dug his hands in his pockets and pulled out an impressive pile of sweets which he set down on his bed before turning back to Remus with a glint in his eye. He grabbed Remus' hand and yanked him off the bed.

“Nifty spell huh? It's the one McGonagall uses when she wants to shout at the whole dorm at once. It's the music from the hall, pretty naff I know...” Sirius trailed off. Remus stood close to him, their bodies so hot they could be throwing sparks. He hadn't yet let go of Sirius's hand, in fact, in a move that was surprisingly bold for timid little Moony, he laced their fingers together and squeezed. Sirius's smile was different this time, it was the slightly shy, secret smile that was rarely seen by anyone but Remus.

They bumped together, chest to chest, Remus's eyes flickering up hesitantly, every time he caught Sirius's eye he would look away smiling. Sirius brought his free hand up to Remus's waist and he curled his fingers in the thin t-shirt the skinny boy was wearing. They swayed together, the music was slow and gentle, drifting through the silence of the room and pushing the two boys closer together until they were cheek to cheek or thereabouts (Sirius had had a growth spurt and was now a few inches taller than Remus and it was taking some getting used to). Remus looked up again, blinking rapidly and his nose brushed against Sirius's. Sirius lifted his hand from Remus's waist and cupped his cheek so tenderly it was as if he was trying to hold on to a bubble without it shattering.

He dipped his head a fraction of an inch and then their lips brushed together. Remus's free hand reached up and grabbed Sirius's side for support, his stomach turned into butterflies and they all clamoured to escape via his throat. Sirius pressed forwards again, this time pressing his lips to Remus's fully, and _godyes_ his mouth tasted just the way Sirius imagined, all sugar and honey and darkness. Sirius tipped his head slightly and their noses bumped together, he laughed into Remus's lips and turned the other way. He slipped his lips over Remus's and then, quite unexpectedly, Remus opened his mouth. Sirius's lips slid over open lips, their mouths fitting together perfectly and here, Gods here Sirius could taste even better things like chocolate and tea and raw magic and and and _Remus_.

Finally the boys pulled apart, gasping breath and almost laughing. So this is what they talk about, kissing, taking someone's breath away. Sirius brushed Remus's hair from his face and dropped his hand to Remus's waist once more, pulling him closer and moving them both in time to the music. They stayed, frozen, until the end of the song and in the sudden silence left by the music Sirius realised that Remus hadn't said a word yet. The next song started, again slow and mellow, and holding Remus's trembling and skinny body close, Sirius kissed the top of his shower damp hair and pulled away, looking down into Remus's face.

Sirius remembered falling in love with Remus because it was the most wonderful and most terrifying moment of his life and he still felt like he was riding that roller coaster, years on and he was just holding on for dear life as they got higher and higher and higher.

And tonight he fucked it up.

* * * * * * * * * *

Sitting still and quiet in the corner of Dumbledore's office everything around him became something of an inebriated blur. Getting drunk with James on contraband muggle vodka. Seeing Snape peering out of the window as Remus was led across the grounds to the Willow. Telling Snape how to get into the shack. James screeching and running full pelt from the room before Pete could even ask what was up. Dumbledore storming in and grabbing Sirius by the scruff of his shirt and dragging him to the headmasters office. The sudden, gut-dropping sensation, as though that roller coaster just turned downwards and fell out of the sky as he realised. Realised. Moony. Oh Moony. 

The door creaked open and the headmaster appeared with Snape and James. James stood in his pyjamas, the bottoms wet from the damp grass outside that he bounded across. And Snivellus looked awful, pale (paler) and shocked and speechless. Trembling like a scared kid. There was a conversation, a warning to Snape that he could never repeat what he had seen, everything just colours and sounds and shapes passing through Sirius's brain while all he could think of was Moony. What have I done?

* * * * * * * * * *

Sirius wasn’t sure how he had kept going, he had been awake for almost twenty-eight hours by the time he stumbled through the infirmary doors. His punishments were nothing more than he expected; various manual labour type jobs with Filch, some boring book work with Madame Pince, three weeks forbidden from all extra curricular activities including Quidditch, no Hogsmede for the rest of the year. It was nothing compared to the growing knot in Sirius’s stomach, the aching knowledge that he had done something terrible. Unforgivable. He hadn’t dared go back to the dorm, had sipped at lukewarm coffee at the breakfast table for two hours and then wandered slowly through the castle, making his way to the hospital wing.

Remus was sat up in bed, staring blankly at the bed sheet covering his legs when Sirius arrived. Remus only looked up briefly before taking a deep breath and turning back to the blank staring. Sirius sank into a chair beside Remus’s bed and swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“Moony...”

“Don’t. I don’t want to know.”

“But... I know James was mad and...”

“Sirius.” Remus’s voice was wavering and Sirius noticed that Remus was clutching a soggy tissue between his hands. He was turning it over and over, twisting it up and flattening it out, never turning his gaze towards Sirius. “I don’t think I can talk to you just yet.”

“I know but Moony please...” Sirius’s voice edged on desperate. He leaned forward in his chair and reached out to take Remus’s hand.

“Please Sirius, I just need some space.” Remus pulled his hand away and finally turned his face to Sirius. It was obvious that Remus had been crying for a long time, his eyes were red, his cheeks rosy and wet and his eyelashes clumped together. His nose was red and damp, he looked just like he’d been walking through the grounds in the snow. “I just need... I need to think.”

“I sorry Remus.”

“I know. But I don’t know if that’s... if it’s enough. I need... I need to think.”

Remus bit down on his lip, his whole face sad and drawn. The tears slipped endlessly down his cheeks, hanging from his chin before landing against his hands that were fidgeting restlessly in his lap. Sirius wanted more than anything to hold those hands, take them in his own, kiss the scratched knuckles and broken fingers.

“What you did Sirius... You could have made me a murderer. And they would have taken me out and shot me like an animal. Like I’m nothing... nothing more than the wolf. And I don’t know how someone who... who loves me, c-could do that.” Remus’s voice cracked, his shoulders sagging as he fought from breaking down entirely. Sirius made a strangled sound that was a barely suppressed sob and rubbed away the tears on his cheeks angrily. When he spoke it was in broken, spluttering sentences.

“B-but Moony, I love you. I love you. I made a mistake and it... Please. Please. I can’t live without you Moony and I’m sorry...”

“Sirius. If you love me just... just leave me alone.” Remus turned his face away, staring resolutely at the polished parquet flooring and chewing on his bottom lip to stop it from trembling any more. He wasn’t able to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. Sirius clenched his jaw, fighting to stop from weeping at Remus’s feet. He stared at the side of Remus’s face, watched the early morning light cast shadows across his scarred face, making his tears sparkle and shine.

“Ok. Ok Moony.” Sirius hiccuped a little and stood shakily. He leant over and quickly pressed a kiss to Remus’s hair and then turned and walked away. He didn’t see Remus turn and watch him go, he didn’t see Remus give in to the tears, and he didn’t see Remus press a hand to his chest as though trying to keep his heart inside.


	2. Chapter 2

A week later and James, Remus and Peter were sat at the breakfast table, solemnly munching on toast and determinedly not glancing down the table to where Sirius sat, alone, slowly eating dry cereal by hand. The post arrived with the usual flurry of wings and feathers and all three boys watched as Sirius's eagle owl soared elegantly across the Gryffindor table and landed perfectly on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius looked up in shock and pulled a cream coloured letter from Wezen's leg. Remus watched from the corner of his eye as Sirius sliced open his letter with a butter knife and Wezen soared away across the Great Hall. Sirius pulled the parchment from the envelope and stared at the letter in his hand. He suddenly folded the letter back up and shoved it into the pocket of his jeans, dropped the butter knife he had still been holding with a clatter, and stormed from the hall.

“Bloody great drama queen.” James muttered. Remus turned back, realising that both he and James had been watching Sirius. Peter sighed and pulled a pot of jam across the table and smothered a slice of toast.

“He never gets letters. Not since that howler in third year when he painted Regulus's owl pink.” Remus murmured, staring sadly at the crusts of his toast that he was now idly pushing around his plate.

James ran his fingers through his hair and looked across the table at Peter. Neither of them had spoken to Sirius since since last week, Sirius had stopped sleeping in their dorm room, had missed numerous lessons and (though none of them would admit they were watching) he barely ate a thing when he attended meals. It felt as though someone had cut off their collective right hand; there was no one to tell James to shut up about Lily, no one to give Peter tips for his charms homework. No one to kiss Remus goodnight. 

Space was what Remus had asked for and space is what Sirius gave him, resolute and selfless. He stayed away, didn’t use the puppy dog eyes or the dashing smile, he didn’t even talk to James or Peter so that neither of them would have to be stuck in the middle. He wandered aimlessly through the castle, the once stunning and imposing figure of Sirius Black now no more substantial than one of the castle ghosts.

* * * * * * * * * *

Remus came out to his friends when he was twelve. The truth was that they already knew most of the story and were hardly surprised when he sat up in bed early one evening when his three closest friends were gathered and gave his nervous little cough.

“I... Ireallyhavetotellyousomething...”

And so James and Peter put down their exploding snap cards and stayed, sat cross-legged on the floor, to listen. Sirius had dropped his comic book and crawled to the end of his bed and he sat there, watching Remus who was twisting the edge of his robes in his hands the way he did when he was asked a question in class and was embarrassed for not knowing the answer.

By the time he had finished telling his story he was a little shaky and a little teary and Sirius bounded off the end of his bed and landed on Remus’s, wrapping his arms round the skinny boys frame and hugging him tightly.

“You dolt Remus, we already guessed! Disappear once a month, always sick, always on the full moon?”

“Yeah. It’s no big deal!”

“It’s kinda cool. You’ve got like... superpowers!”

Remus laughed, a little hysterically, and smiled at his friends as though they had just made him the happiest little boy in the whole world. James and Peter gave a few more reassurances and then, just to prove how unfazed they were, they carried on with their card game. Sirius stayed on Remus’s bed talking well into the night about all sorts of things until finally the two boys fell asleep, fully clothed, on Remus’s bed. Remus lay on his back, his blanket pulled halfway up his chest and Sirius curled into his side, the blanket covering just his feet, his hands wedged under Remus’s side to keep them warm.

* * * * * * * * * *

When he was thirteen Sirius started creeping into the hospital wing after a full moon. He would lay hidden and watch Madame Pomfrey carry Remus in and settle him down, bandage him up. When she disappeared back into her office Sirius would creep from his hiding place and crawl into bed next to Remus, curl round him, brush gentle fingers through sweat and blood soaked hair, soothe him with quiet whispers. He was only thirteen, barely more than a child, and should anyone have caught him Sirius would have shrugged it off. Just a cuddle. Doesn’t mean anything.

When James made an off-colour joke one month about Sirius sleeping with Moony Sirius thumped him without really knowing why. He didn’t snuggle up in bed with James when he was sick, he didn’t soothe Peter with hushed whispers when he had nightmares. But Remus was different. Remus was shy and sweet and when he cried out in his sleep Sirius ached to touch him, hold him, make it better. 

For almost three years Sirius was pleasantly unaware of the fact that Madame Pomfrey knew more than she let on. In the middle of the night she would do her rounds and as she pulled back the blinds around Remus’s bed she was careful not to wake either of the boys sleeping there. She would smile at the black haired boy wrapped protectively round the skinnier, wounded boy's body. She often pulled the blanket up to cover them both, eased Sirius's hands away from bandages and bruises. She never said a word.

She never said a word when she carried Remus back to the hospital wing and Sirius didn't creep out from behind the screens in the corner for the first time in three years. She never said a word when Remus awoke, screaming, just before dawn and cried quietly into his pillow.

* * * * * * * * * *

Hogwarts was not only home to hundreds of children but a sanctuary. There were endless corridors, secret rooms, hidden places so that should a student wish to loose himself he would be provided with ample opportunity. 

Sirius wished. 

Sirius wished he could sink right through the floor, wished the bowels of hell would just swallow him up, wished he could stop feeling so awful. Wished Remus would just _look_ at him.

He sat at the piano in the abandoned music room, some time after two in the morning. The letter he had received that morning was laid out on the dusty black surface on the piano. Sirius ghosted his fingers over a few keys, felt their cold smooth surface beneath the pads of his fingers before pressing down on an C experimentally.

It was sad sound, almost mournful, the note ringing through the empty classroom dislodging a few unhappy spiders that promptly scuttled across the rafters. Sirius placed three fingers against the keys and pressed down. A minor chord rang through the room. Slowly his fingers began to remember, memories of piano lessons with a pretty young witch who smelt of lavender, memories of recitals with other eight year olds desperately searching the audience for his mother's face, memories of his father slamming the piano lid shut and breaking Sirius's middle finger because he wouldn't 'fucking shut up with that nonsense'. 

His fingers remembered a piece his mind had long forgotten. A duet. The piano part sounded lonely without it's counterpart, without it's harmonies and dissonances. Without it's answering phrases. Sirius barely noticed he was crying until his tears hit the keys and his finger slipped, hitting a wrong note and breaking the spell the piano had cast.

Sirius pressed the tips of his fingers to his cheek and brushed away the tears, sniffed loudly and stared at the chipped black and white keys. He positioned his fingers over the keys and began again, his feet found the pedals of the old grand and as he pressed down they squeaked and groaned in sympathy with the melody. Sirius let his long elegant fingers glide over the keys, his eyes drifting shut as he let the memory take over, let each broken chord fill the empty spaces inside.

A little way away a student sat in the library reading by the light of one weak candle. He was out of bed way beyond curfew and if Madame Pinch caught him he would be certain to have his Prefectship revoked. But he couldn't sleep, not in his room, not in his bed, not even in the common room, because everything smelt of a boy with careless black hair and a devastating smile. Remus sighed and quietly closed his book. He rubbed at his dry eyes with the tips of his fingers and yawned. He knew he was tired because he imagined he could hear music following him as he left the library and wandered lonely back to his bed.

* * * * * * * * * *

Two weeks after The Incident and Sirius was still missing in the Marauders’ lives. Remus had moved his belongings from the bed he’d shared with Sirius back to his own four-poster on the opposite side of the room, Peter even offered to swap so that they could be as far apart as possible but Remus had shook his head solemnly and gone straight to sleep.

Remus wasn’t himself these days, he was quiet and pale and even his smile seemed diffused with a deep melancholy that just made people ache to make him happy again. Nothing James or Peter did seemed to have an effect, no amount of stolen chocolate or smuggled butterbeer or dying Lance Morgan’s hair pink managed to raise a smile for longer than ten minutes. It was so bad that James was reluctant to ask for help with his homework, unable to stand being around the watery eyes and mournful sighs for too long. Instead he swallowed his pride (fear) and asked Lily Evans to help him with his homework.

When she agreed James had whooped and cheered for so long in the dorm room Peter had charmed his mouth shut and when Lily suggested they should go up to James's room where it would be nice and quiet so that they could concentrate on doing their homework James smiled so widely Remus was afraid the top of his head might fall off.

It was gone midnight by the time they had finished and James walked Lily to the door of the dorm and watched her descend the staircase with a ecstatic smile on his face. When she disappeared from sight he closed the door and dived onto his bed laughing as Peter walked out of the bathroom.

“Three hours, new personal best, eh Prongs?!”

“Why thank you for noticing Wormtail. Isn't she great?!”

“You were seriously just talking all that time?”

“Yeah. But it's... it's great. Better than just... we just...”

“Oh someone shut him up.”

“Oh c'mon Moony. You like her right?”

“If you'll remember I liked her before any of you even knew her name. She's nice. Very funny.”

“I know! She's got such a great sense of humour. And...” James opened his trunk and pulled out a pair of pyjama bottoms, he barely noticed when three odd socks, various worn pants and two dungbombs that came out with them (James's attempt at cleaning before Lily's visit had mainly consisted of him throwing all his belongings into his and Remus's trunks). “Shit, this is her text book. Should I go and give it to her?”

“If she's still downstairs, sure.”

“See if you can get a Goodnight kiss.”

“Good idea Pete!”

Remus rolled his eyes as James bounded out the door waving Lily Evans’s 'Careful Plant Care' above his head.

James crept down to the stairs and pushed open the door quietly. He looked around disappointed to find that Lily had already made her way up the staircase opposite and into the forbidden realm of the girls' dormitory. He was about to turn and leave when he heard someone sniff. He looked around the room but saw no one, but then he heard it again, someone was sobbing.

James looked around at the shadows cast by the fire and then noticed a lump on the couch by the wall. He crept across the room and there, laying against the mushy cushions of a hundred year old sofa lay Sirius, crying his eyes out. James sat down on the edge of the sofa and Sirius jumped. He twisted round, spotted James and turned away again furiously trying to stem the flow of tears with a scrunched up piece of tissue.

“F- fuck off.” Sirius hiccupped through sobs. James just laid his hand against Sirius's shoulder and when he started to cry again James leant down and gave him an awkwardly angled hug. Sirius twisted around and sat up, rubbing at his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his shirt. James threw a brotherly arm round his shoulder and held him close.

“Aww Pads. What are we gonna do with you, eh? What you doing out here alone hmm? You don't deserve this.”

“I do. What I did...”

“That what this is all about? You and Rem?” Sirius shook his head a little and struggled to pull something out of his pocket. He waved the folded piece of paper in front of James's face and then shoved it carelessly back in his pocket.

“A letter from my father. He erm... he's pretty pissed off. I got into a fight with my cousins, I threatened to kill one and I'm having an affair - a homosexual affair - with a werewolf. Y'know I honestly don't know what he's more ashamed of; me being gay, a blood-traitor or a Gryffindor? Some son I turned out to be.” Sirius's lip wobbled dangerously and James pulled him closer. Sirius sniffed heavily and pressed the tips of his fingers to his eyes, wiping away a few tears. “He told me... not to bother coming home. Reggie went home for Christmas? And he said Mum... she took me off the family tree. And I know I should be proud, because everyone I look up to is blasted off that fucking ugly tapestry but... she's still... she's still my Mum y'know?” James nodded sadly and Sirius broke down, crying more openly than James had possibly ever seen. They sat for a long while, Sirius crying into James's shoulder and James holding Sirius's close, unable to think of a single comforting thing to say.

“You should tell Remus.” Sirius sat up and rubbed at his tear streaked cheeks.

“No, and you don't tell him.”

“Alright, alright, it's your call. I won't tell a soul.” James suddenly realised that for the first time in six years he had no idea how his best friend in the world was holding up.

“I... I just feel like a total fuck up. I just... I miss him like I'd miss my heartbeat. I know what I did was just so stupid but... I know it was Snape, and... he nearly died Prongs. Moony was laying in that hospital bed and they didn't know if he was gonna be ok... I just saw red.” Sirius gave a huge shuddering breath and fiddled with the scraggy tissue in his hand. James was quiet for a long time and when he finally spoke he looked straight into Sirius's eyes.

“I'm fucking mad at you Pads. What we did, we did because no one hurts Moony. And you... you forgot all about that and you went and hurt him yourself. You hurt him more than that crazy bitch ever could have.” There was a heavy silence between them in which Sirius held his breath. “But I think I get it. I get why... You're still my best mate alright? What ever happens, you and me we're fucking brothers. Sod that creepy family of yours, you and me? We're family.” At that Sirius bit back more tears and just nodded his head. James pushed himself back on the sofa and settled in one of the corners and secretly Sirius's heart leaped for joy. Suddenly he felt as though he had been saved from drowning, dragged ashore by James Potter, king of the shittiest hair known to man. “You hear about Mallory Major?”

“What?”

“You know her and that troll of a fourth year she took to the ball?”

“Yeah.”

“She got caught giving him head in the greenhouses Tuesday night.”

“No way!”

“Yes way, one of Lily's mates saw them.”

The two boys sat up most of the night discussing everything from latest gossip to the Gryffinor Quidditch strategy and by the time the sun had crept into the room, Padfoot and Prongs had planned the most memorable Marauder epic to date.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus was settled on his bed, a book perched on his legs, a pile of Everyflavour beans by his side. The peace and quiet was nice, for the first time since... The Incident, James and Peter had finally left him alone (and yes, he appreciated that they meant well and loved him and wanted to make him happy but there was only so much time one could spend with Potter the besotted and Peter and his double-vision twin sister girlfriends before one was overcome by the urge to hurt someone). Just as Remus stretched and settled back against the headboard Peter crashed through the door, breathless and flushed. He bent over double, hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.

“You... you need to go... downstairs. Now!”

Remus looked up from his book and stared owlishly over the top.

“I'm not hungry Pete. I'll go to the kitchens if I'm hungry later.”

“No no no!” Peter stood up straight and rushed to Remus' side, pulling at his sleeve. “Now! You're needed, downstairs. Prefect stuff.” He tugged harder and Remus dropped his book. He stepped into his shoes and reluctantly followed Peter out of the dorm at a slow jog.

As he rounded the corner he could hear the shouting and general roar of lots of people muttering to each other. As he stepped closer he could see them gathered around a statue at the edge of the entrance hall. Another few steps and he could see sparks bouncing off the wall as a figure hopped and jumped from the statue of Dirk the Dangerous to the huge statue of a roaring dragon right by the doors of the Great Hall. The figure laughed and jeered as he avoided the curses being thrown his way. The figure, was of course, Sirius Black. And of course, Sirius Black surrounded by most of the students of Hogwarts and a considerable number of staff members was stark bollock naked. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.

When he looked up James appeared from no where and grabbed his elbow pulling him down the stairs and pushing through the crowds until the two of them were stood right in front of the dragon statue. James released Remus's elbow and bellowed over the sound of the gathered students and staff.

“Alright Pads?! Ready?” Sirius winked down at James and then leapt higher onto the head of the dragon. James gave a dramatic flick of his wand and the unmistakable opening of The Rolling Stones' 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' began. Sirius looked down, straight into Remus' face and took a deep breath.

“I'm sorry. And I know, what I did? It wasn't just an error in judgement it was a complete _lack_ of judgement and thought and rationality and so much else. Thing is Moony, I can’t live without you because I'm half a man. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry and I need you to forgive me because I need you to look at me and hold my hand and kiss me and I need to hear your voice more than I need to breathe. It's like living in the fucking arctic circle, I can't live with it being so cold. Someone told her and I wanted them to pay for hurting you so much and I understand that what I did was so much more wrong and I'll be sorry for the rest of my life. I love you, Remus John Lupin, I've loved you since before I knew what love _was_ and what I did was a very bad attempt at trying to protect you. But it was all for you. It’s always for you. Please, can you forgive me?” He ended just as the french horn entered on the track. Suspiciously good timing as ever. Remus considered the flushed and naked boy balancing precariously above him, exposed in every way and not just for his lack of clothes. Remus replied with a slow, even voice.

“You had to climb on top of a statue. In the middle of dinner. _Naked_. To tell me that?”

“Well,” Sirius gave a weak smile and glanced at his feet, “brightest star in the sky, me.” He smiled briefly at their private joke. “I love you Moony, please forgive me?” Sirius sagged, a hint of defeat about his posture. Remus stared up at him, oblivious to the entire school staring at the both of them.

“I...” Remus swallowed and smiled slowly. “I forgive you.” Remus laughed at the unashamed grin that appeared on Sirius's face, the triumphant nod. Sirius placed both hands on his hips and stood, one foot on the dragons head looking for all the world like the king of the universe. “And Sirius? I love you, too.” And at that Sirius jumped down, the crowd stepped back unsure what would happen next. Several members of staff took a cautionary step forward, wands upheld, ready to incapacitate Sirius. He leaned forward, grabbed Remus's face in his hands and placed a hasty, sloppy kiss against his lips.

“Whatever they do to me now? It was worth it.” He winked and then he was gone, careering up the main stairway and down the corridor at full speed, stark naked and screaming “I love you Moony” at the top of his voice, the Rolling Stones still blaring through the entrance hall, while four members of staff, Filch, three prefects and Peeves the poltergeist gave chase. There was a spontaneous round of applause from the gathered students and then, having lost interest, they turned back to the Great Hall to finish dinner.

* * * * * * * * * *

The chase lasted three hours. With another moment of perfect timing Sirius got caught at ten minutes to nine, just before curfew - Remus couldn't help feeling he had only put up the chase for the enjoyment of the crowds who, having finished dinner, followed the action through the castle. Remus himself would deny for years that he watched but Sirius knew that Remus had been there when he took the death defying leap from the moving staircase on the third floor to the windowsill two floors down, screaming “Moony and Padfoot forever” while he held his wand between his teeth.

* * * * * * * * * *

“Well, what a pleasure it is to have you in my company again so soon Mr Black.”

“Always an honour sir.”

“Sirius?”

“Yes sir?”

“Will you please keep still. What are you fidgeting like that for?” Dumbledore lent forward, fingers arched beneath his chin.

“Honestly? I fell flat on my arse off the greenhouse roof, bit sore. That's the only reason they caught me though.” Dumbledore barely suppressed a laugh.

“Mr Black. Could you at least pretend to show some remorse for your actions.”

“Can I tell you a secret sir?” Dumbledore nodded, smiling as Sirius lent forward in a conspiratorial gesture. “It was all worth it.” A huge smile broke across his face, his eyes gleaming. “He forgives me.” He sat back, looking satisfied. Dumbledore looked across the desk at him a little longer. 

Minerva had finally caught Sirius as he slipped jumping from roof to roof over the greenhouses. She pinned him to the ground with a simple restraining spell and, when he grinned roguishly at her and shouted “Why Minerva, I love a woman who takes charge”, she demanded the nearest watching student hand over his robes. The second year handed them over reluctantly and then scuttled indoors shivering in just his jeans and t-shirt. Sirius now sat, bruised and cold but none the less smug as the cat that caught the canary, wrapped in robes that were at least four sizes too small for him in the headmaster's office.

“I see. I'm afraid I will have to give you detention. Three nights, starting tonight. Lines.”

Sirius nodded seriously though his face was still plastered with an indecently huge grin.

“I will try to curb my tendency toward public nudity at meal times and will refrain from winking suggestively at Professor McGonagall however much she flirts with me. 500 times please.” Dumbledore winked over at Sirius as he started scribbling frantically.

* * * * * * * * * *

When Sirius arrived back at Gryffindor tower he was surprised to find James and Peter in the common room, each settled on a sofa.

“Alright boys? What you doing up?”

“We got kicked out didn't we?” Peter grumbled, punching the pillow beneath his head. Sirius raised one eyebrow and turned to James who had wrapped his blanket round himself tightly.

“Remus said he wanted to have very noisy sex and we were free to stay and listen all night if we so wished.” He informed Sirius with no hint of a smile of his face. Sirius grinned wolfishly and fought back a smug response.

“You're heroes. Really. Gods among men. Well, night!” He was gone before the words even left his mouth, bounding up the stairs four at a time and coming to rest outside their dorm door, panting heavily and not just because he'd taken the stairs at speed. He pressed his palm against wood and tried to wipe the smug grin of his face as he pushed it open.

And there was Moony. Curled up on Sirius's bed, _their bed_, reading a thick dusty old book. The candles flickered with the breeze from the door and they painted shadows that danced across Remus's naked chest. Sirius swallowed hard.

“How long?” Remus didn't bother looking up and Sirius was a little confused by the question.

“Errr... always?” Remus looked up with a quirked eyebrow.

“I meant how long have you got detention for?”

“Oh. Three nights. Dumbledore rescued me from McGonagall, thought she was gonna hex my bloody balls off...”

“What did you think I meant?” Remus closed the book slowly and let it fall to the floor beside the bed with a thunk. Sirius grinned sheepishly.

“How long have I been in love with you.” Remus's smile was enough to outshine all the candles in the castle. Sirius padded across the floor and stood next to the edge of the bed, reaching out and brushing Remus's hair away from his forehead.

“I am sorry Moony.” Remus knelt up, face to face with Sirius he placed one cold finger against his lips.

“I know. You can stop apologising now.” And then he replaced his finger with his lips.

If Sirius was a poet he might have described that kiss like the sun coming out, like all the stars in the sky falling down around him, like a cigarette on a cold morning, like a brand new Stones record, like something better than anything he'd ever experienced. But Sirius would never admit to such things because Sirius wasn't a girl so instead he slipped his fingers through Remus's hair and pulled him closer, pulled Remus's skinny frame flush to his own and squeezed his eyes shut so that the tears couldn't get out.

Remus scooted back on the bed and pulled Sirius down on top of him, kissing him hard, pulling ineffectually at the tiny robe that Sirius was still wearing. He giggled into Sirius’s mouth and pulled away, looking down Sirius’s body and tugged at the robe tie.

“What... Is this?!”

“Don’t you think it’s sexy?”

“I think it needs to go.” Remus grinned and rolled Sirius on to his back, grabbed on end of the robe’s tie and yanked hard. The heavy black material fell open and revealed Sirius in all his glory. “Much better. But Sirius, from now on...?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to be the only one who sees that arse of yours.” Remus laughed as Sirius feigned shock and wriggled out of the robe, tossing it aside and wrapping his arms round Remus’s neck.

“I missed you Moony.” Sirius murmured against Remus’s neck, holding the skinny boy tight. Remus pressed a few sloppy kisses against Sirius’s shoulder and then pulled back, staring down at Sirius’s wide blue-grey eyes. He leant forwards slowly and pressed a kiss to Sirius’s forehead.

“I missed you too Pads.” He kissed Sirius’s eyebrow, down his nose, three kisses to his cheek, then finally his lips, devouring Sirius from the inside out. Sirius kissed back hungrily as he ran his hands down Remus’s sides and quickly popped open the button at Remus’s fly. Remus reached down with one hand and helped Sirius to push off the heavy weight of his jeans. When, finally, they were both naked Remus began laying gentle kisses all over Sirius’s chest, a few feathery light kisses to his stomach and then up, over his shoulders and biceps. Sirius squirmed beneath the assault, gliding his palms up and down Remus’s sweaty back, finally reaching up and winding his fingers into Remus’s hair and tipping his head back, allowing Remus full access to the expanse of his neck.

“Those things you said?” Remus mumbled against Sirius’s jaw. Sirius responded with a vague hum. “I feel that way too y’know.” Remus kissed down Sirius’s jaw and up to his lips. “It’s like you’re my compass.” He kissed Sirius lightly. “Without you, I don’t know which way I’m facing, where I’m supposed to go.” He kissed Sirius quickly again but when he started to speak again his eyes were wet and over-bright. “Jamie told me. Told me you wouldn’t leave me in the hospital wing, wouldn’t sleep or eat... I didn’t realise...” Sirius held Remus’s face gently in his hands, looked up into his eyes and then kissed him. Kissed him because he couldn’t find the words to say how scared he’d been, how sorry he was, how perfect this moment was, how much he loved Remus with all of his heart and how being apart had felt like being dead. They lay for sometime, Remus plastered on top of Sirius, each sharing slow, gentle kisses, making up for lost time and filling in the spaces where words would have failed.

Eventually Remus began rocking his hips shallowly against Sirius’s, sighing happily and then grunting as their cocks brushed against each other. Remus reached down between their bodies and wrapped his long fingers around Sirius’s cock and fisted him a few times, smiling as Sirius cried out. Remus licked his lips and slipped down Sirius body, he kept a firm grip on Sirius’s cock as he kissed Sirius’s balls and then sucked them into his mouth, flicking his tongue over the heated flesh in his mouth.

Sirius fisted Remus’s hair, pulling almost too tightly, while his other hand ripped at the mattress as he yelled out a few very inventive curses (Remus’s favourite of which had to be ‘Oh holy fucking Merlin and all seven fucking dwarfs’. After hearing Sirius scream this at the top of his voice Remus had a hard time not choking). Remus released Sirius’s balls and eagerly wrapped his lips round Sirius’s dick, sucking mercilessly until he cheeks hollowed out. Remus pulled back, gave Sirius’s cock one last lick and then crawled predatorily up Sirius’s body ignoring Sirius’s whimpers of protest at the loss of contact.

Remus decided to tease Sirius mercilessly; leaning in close for a kiss and pulling away at the last minute, ghosting his fingers over Sirius’s body millimetres from Sirius’s skin without actually touching, thrusting his hips against Sirius’s with no constant rhythm or speed. Finally Sirius reached out and blindly grabbed Remus’s wrist and dragged his hand up to his mouth. He pressed two of Remus’s beautiful long fingers against his lips before pushing them in to his mouth and sucking obscenely. Remus growled and Sirius could feel Remus’s cock rubbing slickly against his thighs. He wrapped his tongue round the digits in his mouth and imitated just what Remus had been doing to his own dick, and then released them with an obscene pop and pushed Remus’s hand between their bodies. 

Remus took the hint and pushed both his spit-slick fingers into Sirius in one easy slide, watching greedily as Sirius’s eyes fluttered shut and he clawed at the bed sheets, all the while whispering, murmuring hot little things that felt like they were crawling into Remus’s veins.

Remus lost his patience quickly and pulled his fingers out and without waiting grabbed hold of Sirius’s perfect, firm arse and held him open as he pushed forwards, burying himself inside Sirius’s aching body. Sirius cried out, turning his head and pressing his face into the pillow beneath him, biting on the inside of his cheek. Remus was (though Sirius would only admit it when incredibly drunk) rather well endowed and felt huge at the best of times but like this? Slow and hard, it felt as though he just went on forever, pressing deeper and deeper into Sirius until he was as good as split right open down the middle. And when his hips were finally nestled warm and slick against Sirius’s arse he would start pulling out straight away, Sirius gasping and begging, knowing that all there was to come was Remus pressing back in in _in_.

Remus collapsed forwards over Sirius, braced on one hand on the mattress by Sirius’s head as his other hand smoothed up and down Sirius’s side, occasionally pausing to pinch Sirius’s nipple or push the hair back from his forehead.

Sirius pressed his face into Remus neck, breathing in ragged pants as Remus moved inside him. Remus had some kind of superhuman resolve, his hips moved so slowly, every second seemed to be drawn out, every sensation rippling through Sirius’s body like a tidal wave. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, bit down hard on his bottom lip trying to regain some control, the feel of Remus moving inside his body too good for him to last very long. Remus lay a trail of kisses over Sirius’s shoulder and up his neck, finally reaching his earlobe and tracing the shell with his tongue.

“I love you Siri.” Remus whispered, finding Sirius hand and linking their fingers together. He leant back and smiled down at Sirius before kissing him as though this was the first time, a tentative press of lip against lip before dipping his tongue into Sirius’s mouth where he tasted like warm bread and hot chocolate and night time. Sirius gasped into Remus’s mouth, spreading his legs wider and hitching one knee over Remus’s hip.

Remus growled and thrust forward, hard, his hips speeding up slightly which caused Sirius to throw his head back against the pillows and cry out Remus’s name for all the castle to hear.

Remus licked a wet line over Sirius’s bobbing Adams apple and swiped his tongue along one sweat-soaked collar bone before finding Sirius’s mouth again and cutting short his scream by biting down on his bottom lip as his snapped his hips forward. Sirius groaned like Remus was killing him (and secretly thought maybe he was, killing him with the most unbelievably perfect sex known to mankind, a complete overdoes of spine-melting pleasure). Every thrust of those boney hips and Sirius was seeing stars. Remus latched onto the slightly stubbly skin of Sirius’s neck and sucked, bit down, determined to mark the boy as his own for all the school to see. 

Sirius’s eyes rolled back in his head, aware that Remus was leaving a mark high enough to show over school shirts and ties. The idea that everyone would be able to see Remus’s mark on his body made him shiver, he twisted his fingers into Remus’s hair and tilted his head to give Remus better access.

Remus reached down between their flushed, sweating bodies and wrapped his long fingers round Sirius’s cock and began pumping quickly, squeezing a little at the base before pulling up in a tight fist just the way Sirius liked. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus once more and arched up into each thrust of Remus’s hips, kissing Remus’s face and neck and shoulders frantically before arching his back and crying out at the top of his voice as Remus fucked him into oblivion.

“I love you, I love you, God yes, fuck me Moony, I LOVE YOU!!”

Remus felt Sirius stiffen before he came, shaking and shivering against Remus’s body, his voice cracking as he punched the mattress by his side, groaning as Remus fucked him right through his orgasm. He seemed to have several aftershocks, his body jumping and arching under Remus until finally he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

It took a moment for Sirius to open his eyes again and when he did they were heavy-lidded, full of post-orgasmic bliss. He reached out once more for Remus’s wrist and pulled those long fingers, now covered in his own come, to his lips. As Remus watched open mouthed Sirius wrapped his lips round Remus’s fingers and sucked hard, hungrily lapping up the taste of himself on Remus’s fingers.

Sirius gave an salacious groan, licking Remus’s fingers with such obvious pleasure that with an almost shocked yell Remus came, his hips slamming into Sirius making both boys gasp. Remus’s orgasm seemed to take minutes, his whole body shook and tensed and slowly seemed to melt into Sirius’s beneath him. When he seemed able to breath again Remus wriggled awkwardly, slipping from Sirius’s body before slumping back down, his cheek pressed against Sirius sweat-soaked shoulder and his finger still between Sirius’s lips.

Remus blinked dazedly a few times before craning his neck to look up and Sirius. He pulled his finger from Sirius’s mouth and traced his red, kiss-swollen lips with the wet tip of his finger. Sirius smiled lazily and turned to his side as Remus, mustering all his post-climactic strength, pushed himself up so that he was laying face to face with Sirius. Without a word he leaned in and kissed Sirius sweetly.

“I love you Moony.” 

Remus chuckled into Sirius’s neck. “And if anyone missed your earlier performance then I’m sure that they caught that one.” Sirius chuckled too, pulling the duvet up to cover both of them, hot and sticky though they were. Remus yawned and wrapped one arm round Sirius’s waist, he nuzzled Sirius chest and then looked up. Sirius’s eyes were already closed, a calm, sated, smile plastered over his face that had been missing for too long. Remus pressed a chaste kiss to Sirius’s cheek and then lay back down, the sound of Sirius’s slowing heartbeat filling his ears like a favourite lullaby. “Love you too Pads.”

When Sirius’s breathing had evened out, his whole body relaxed and peaceful, Remus looked up once more. He studied Sirius’s face hard, his beautiful long eyelashes laid gently against his sculpted cheekbones, his silk-soft hair, his gorgeous full lips, his nose that was now slightly crooked (a lasting reminder of _that_ night with Lysandra). Remus smiled and gently kissed the tip of Sirius’s wonky nose and tightened his arms round Sirius’s waist. Sirius sighed in his sleep and snuggled into Remus’s body, he never heard Remus whispering, but he smiled anyway.

“Welcome home, Sirius.”


End file.
